Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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