Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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