You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
