Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Randomize
