After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
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