I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Randomize
