yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Randomize
