going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I still have a little drunk in my system
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
