how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
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