my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
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