I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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