In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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