one word: firstdatebathroomanal
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
