Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
