so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Randomize
