i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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