arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Little spoons don't ask big questions
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize