I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Randomize
