Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Sober January is a disaster.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
