every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
are you so shy because you have an std?
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
