i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
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