i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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