her vagine was all disorganized.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
