dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
