People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
