kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
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