I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
it's like iHOP with fire
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
