I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Randomize
