you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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