dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
