it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
