I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Randomize
