oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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