they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
