Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Randomize
