the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
