So gin and wine won't be happening again
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
