just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
