y did u give ur computer a hand job?
if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Randomize
