Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
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