she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize