She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
