at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
