New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
