Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
All I want is dick and wine.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
