Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
