I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
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