tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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