My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
I just found puke in my bra..
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
