Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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