I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
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This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
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Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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