I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
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