I am spending my child support on dildos
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
