He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
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