also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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