We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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