Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Randomize
