I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
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