no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
