he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
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