My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
