I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
